University of Life

March 10, 2011

Just another ordinary day, and now I'm lying peacefully on my bed, watching The Kardashians. Thinking how great it would be to live in their shoes. Not that I'm not grateful with I've got in my life.

Back in September 2008, I thought my life was going perfect. I just lost my dad a year before that - I was only 21 when my dad gone - and I thought God has given me the best prize after all of the struggle I've gone through. I was hired in a lifestyle magazine where I started as an intern, pretty much right after I graduated college. I thought wow, how lucky I am. I mean, not to brag, but... how many people could have a job just a couple of weeks after they were graduated. :)

And the good news didn't stop there. In 2009, I met a couple of Indonesian greatest writers. I felt like God is generously opening my way to reach my dream: being a writer (yes, I wanna be a writer, and not just because it's some kind of a hot profession today, but merely because I feel like there's nothing I can do better than writing).

Anyhow, days gone by, and suddenly, everything changed. Mom asked me to help her in building a family business. I admit, at that time, I was trying to play hero. I gave up my dream of being a writer, and I turn the whole way back to the business world... I didn't make it. After a couple of months, I felt like I couldn't breathe without writing. And so, I started this thing: translating novels. And during that time, I also succeeded in finishing two teenage novels.

But after a half year translating novels and helping my mom with her business, I was bored. Felt like I wasn't alive. And so, after getting through a big argument with my mom, I decided to back on track: work again in a lifestyle magazine. This time, in a bigger company.

Ever since then - June 2010 to be precised - I've been juggling my life: as a reporter, a translator, an author, and a good daughter to my mom. Yes, three years after my dad was gone, things are a bit rough at our house, especially financially, to be honest. And with my bigger sister moved to Bali, and my two younger brothers are still so young (not really, they're 22 yo, but sometimes still like 2 yo), I become my mom's shoulder to cry on. I know I can't complaint, and I'm NOT complaining.

Sometimes, I'm very happy if she can share her burden with me, remembering that she is getting older. But sometimes, I'm just tired. I'm tired of everything. I'm tired of having to ride a motorbike (well, my driver rides the bike, I'm just a passenger. But with polution in Jakarta... Gosh!!), and then queueing to take a bus (and oh my God... how people can turn into a hippopotamous when entering the bus), and walking to the office (this one is actually a pretty good sport for me), in the morning. The same thing happens when I go home. And when I'm home, I have my ears ready to listen what my mom wants to share. We eat dinner together, chat a lil bit with my brothers. And then, I'm starting to work on my sidejob. The same routine. Almost everyday.

And all the work I'm doing is for one thing, and one thing only: money. And I'm tired.

I know a lot of people there probably have more difficult life than mine. But you know what? All I want is just to live a peaceful life. A life where I don't have to run around Jakarta like crazy. A life where I can write with all my heart, all my passion, without being under the pressure of the goddamn deadlines. A life where I can see my mom smiles everyday. Is it too much to ask?

Yes, back in 2008-2009, I thought I was standing right in front of the door of my dreams. But no. What I had in those years was just an exercise to face the beginning of a journey. All the things I'm doing now, these are the beginning of my journey. I'm currently registered in the University of Life. Will I ever graduate?

I hope so...